Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
