I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
