home. puking in laundry basket.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
