I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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