you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
