Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
