His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
