I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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