ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
