His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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