so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
