fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
