Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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