i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
