my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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