six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
