he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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