we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
