he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
