WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
