i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
