in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
