Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
