I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
