I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
