you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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