They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We need to rekindle our bromance
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
