it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
