dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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