It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
