i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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