Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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