the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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