i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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