i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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