He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
