I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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