you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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