i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
