do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We just shotgunned beers for America
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
