I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
