he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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