I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
