Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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