I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
