so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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