So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
