I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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