he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
