I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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